i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What drink are we having for lunch?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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