She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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