so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
