Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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