Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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