pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
