Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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