I think I am morally bankrupt
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize