Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's like heaven, but drunker
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
