I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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