This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
