it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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