She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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