Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
