so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize