i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
