Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize