if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
