Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
