My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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