ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
