Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
