so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
