Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
