dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
