if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
