You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
