I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
