sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
