I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
