Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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