I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
