I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
