I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
