just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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