just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
