come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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