mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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