you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
