found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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