i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
