i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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