It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
