im drinking this country out of the recession.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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