so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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