Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
