There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
