Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
