Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
