you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
