If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
