I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize