Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
