You made me cry and you don't even care
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drunk is not a location!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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