Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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