it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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