i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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