Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
