YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
