HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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