I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
