she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
