Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
