There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
