Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
