his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
wow bdsm is so cute
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
