I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
