Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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