chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
