you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
