You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
