my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
