She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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