If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
