so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
