Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
