The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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