oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
