I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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