You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
