I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
