guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
