I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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