My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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