Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize