Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
