is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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