your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
