think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize