After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
