The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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