His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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