Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
smell my finger.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
