cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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