Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
